possible solution

Yesterday J and I started talking about finding something else to do when was mad other than throwing things, hitting, and screaming.  He started up this morning working himself into a fit so I scooped him up gently and we sat on the couch rocking back and forth and talking.  This seemed to diffuse him very quickly and he was much happier after that.  So we decided that when he starts getting mad or upset he can come sit in my lap and we will rock and talk.  I hope he really will do it.  He has begun hugging me now.  I have watched him start hugging everyone else, but he was not reaching out to me for some reason.  I just waited knowing he would come to me in his own time and he has.  I know he is pushing the limits some to try to find the point at which we will reject him too.  Thankfully we are equipped to handle this with God's help and he is not finding rejection where he expects it.  We keep focusing on the fact that he is a good boy even when he doesn't make good choices.  He's growing, and slowly moving down the path of healing.  It's a long road.....

full week

It's been a very busy week, but we had only one day of challenges!  I had really anticipated more, but J has done really well this week.  Even with several VERY full days in a row he has kept a cheery disposition and kept up with his chores!  So for the second week in a row he earned all his stars on his chart!!  He's VERY excited about his puzzle prize this week!  Next week will be a busy one too but he will have fun at VBS!

Successes

As we prepared to be a foster family and we read and discussed and trained, I really wondered if I would remember all that I was learning.  Well I am remembering enough to have successes in dealing with the challenges I'm presented with.  J decides now and then that he needs to find out what will happen if he does x y or z.  Thankfully he is responding well to the redirection I give.  Today he said "I throw fit" and threw a couple of toys....those toys went into time out and then I was "mean" and he went off to his room.  I checked on him after a couple minutes and he rocked with me for a minute and he was ready to go play.  He has been mostly his cheerful self the rest of the day!  It's nice to know that these principles I've been learning really do work!  So he can push, challenge, or just be cheerful and I am confident that we will be able to tackle it all together and come out on top!

Honeymoon

This refers to the time when a child is placed in a new environment and just wants to please.  There is usually no evidence of negative behaviors and life is grand!  This is what we have been experiencing for the last 3 weeks.  Starting yesterday we began getting a sneak peek into some of the challenges we and J will face together.  One thing that was heartbreaking is to hear him say "I bad boy?" I quickly corrected him and told him that he is a GOOD boy even when his choices are bad.  It's so easy to let slip "be good" or "you're being bad"  when it's the choices in behavior that are what's bad not the child.  We have weathered the first storm together and have come out on top!  He is finding the boundaries, testing the rules, and finding out what will happen.  Though tiresome and draining these are good things for him to be doing and show that he is truly feeling at home with us.  J is still showing us his sweet side most of the time and he gets lots of praise for that.  His star chart for chores is working well too.  For the most part life just keeps whistling it's happy tune, we are just starting to have a few hiccups thrown in.

Broken record

I feel like one!  And what a great thing!!  J is just a super kid!  We are all getting more comfortable with one another and meshing well.  His siblings came to our cookout and they had so much fun!  they played legos, blew bubbles, giggled tons, ate loads of water melon, and I think were pretty tuckered out by the end of the evening!  I know J was!  After everyone went home the big kids put in a movie and he fell asleep in the bean bag while watching it.  He didn't hardly bat an eyelash when we scooped him up and took him to bed.  So sweet!  He is spending hours on end playing with legos!  We are enjoying watching him ride the trike too!  He is learning to be more gentle with the animals and they are loving him back now.  Fun stuff!  He is looking forward to school starting again too!  We will have to see about his enrollment this week or next.

Dr visits

Yesterday J had his appt with his psychiatrist and with his therapist today.  Both visits were fantastic!! OH and we had a FABULOUS time at the park yesterday evening with his siblings!!  We had read a story about going to the park for a picnic and having cup cakes so of course we had to stop and get some cup cakes to take.  So much fun!!  Then today J asked if he could call me mom.  He has been referring to me as mom for several days when talking to the big kids.  He's really bonding with Russ too which totally blows me away.  He's showing good signs of attaching and that is such a HUGE step forward for him!  We are still enjoying him so very much!  and yesterday those who had not seen J in awhile said how much happier he looked.  And he's initiating hugs here and engaging in play!!  These are things that he has not done well before!  So we are very excited to get to help him along the way in this journey toward healing.

Good weekend

(to prevent any confusion this is a reminder that J was previously A)
J had a great weekend!  He is bonding with Russ some too!!  He had a great time at church too!  We went to the park with some friends last Friday and he played hard!  We are planning a picnic and play time at the park tomorrow with his siblings.  looking forward to that!  Then they are going to come out to our house for our 4th of July cookout!  Still not having any negative behaviors.  He is just a super sweet little boy!  He is acting more and more like a little brother to the big kids though and that is fun to see.  He wants to know where I am at all times and still won't leave my side for long.  He is content to just play near me though and doesn't require constant interaction.  I do believe he is stabilizing very well.